Soccer? Yeah, I’ll weigh in…

Posted: June 23, 2010 by Adrian Sanders in Rants and Raves

So the other day while sitting around in my underwear waiting for some paint to dry, I myself flipped through the channels to find none other than soccer!  I was like hey, Ive heard so much talk about it in the news and on facebook maybe I should see what all the hype is about.  And we all know that in 2010, if something is facebook approved then bygolly you better go check it out!

So right off the bat I notice one thing.  Is it just me or is this soccer field freakin’ huge?  I have seen soccer fields before, but on television this deal looks like its about three times the size of a football field.  Maybe its just me, or maybe I have never played on a big boys soccer field.  Or maybe the cameras add 10 yards.  Then as Adam stated, all you can hear is HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK!  HOLY FREAKIN’ CRAP THAT IS ANNOYING!  I mean whoever decided to sell horns at the world cup soccer game is now a millionaire.  Obviously he is a good business man but he would look funny with that horn shoved straight us his back side.  Or who knows, maybe he is into that kind of thing.  I’m thinking he probably is.  I mean after all,  if you make a living blowing and selling horns, you are getting some pretty good practice if you know what I mean.

Anyways, with all the horn blowing, I realized I wouldn’t be able to handle this for long.  Just then, a light bulb came on!  CLOSED CAPTIONING!  Dang I have some brilliant ideas sometimes!  So I find the remote and start surfing the television menu.  We all know how easy this is!  Ahh there it is!…..wait no that is screen brightness…..CRAP now I have a black screen.  What do I do now?  I mean I cant see or read anything on the screen.  So I figure maybe I could get the owners manual to the television and use the pictures in there to figure out how to fix the picture now.  After 30 minutes of searching, it occurs to me, who really keeps the owners manuals to their television?  After 45 minutes I realize….NOT ME!  Im not a happy camper now.  Im now an hour into this soccer game and somebody just scored.  Who you may ask?  I DON’T KNOW!  I’m looking at a blank screen and the piercing sounds of HOONNNNKKKKK are making my ears bleed.  So I get on the internet to try and find an online owners manual to my television.  After 15 minutes of googling, I find one.  So I grab the remote, go blindly into the menu following along with the pictures in the manual.  After about 1 1/2 hours of hearing soccer, I finally have my picture back!  YAY FOR ME!  I travel on through the menu and find the closed captioning.  I turn the volume all the way down, turn on the closed captioning, prepare myself to finally watch some soccer when suddenly the words appear…….HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK

Soccer owes me a television and a window.

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